Now, on to my ‘life changes’. As I said earlier, I have put a lot of thought into this. Not because it is a new year, but because lately I have discovered some things about myself that I am not happy with. I believe there comes a time when you need to sit down and address the things that are not working in your life and correct them. This also allows you the chance to fix the things that adversely affect those you are close to.

Some of these changes are easy to spot – you notice that your favorite jeans no longer fit. Others require you to look at or listen to those things in your life that mean the most to you. Still others require you to look inside yourself, to the deepest, darkest regions that only you know exist.

On the obvious side, I would like to increase my physical fitness level, and eat healthier. Now, I am not totally out of shape, but there is always room for improvement. Last year I ran in three 5K races, and finished with respectable times, the best being 31:15. Plans for this year include running in a 10K race, with my sole purpose of finishing. I recently started a work out program that I do 2-3 times a week. Once nicer weather returns to our frozen landscape, I will be back out there running. In the meantime, I have started running 3 days a week on the treadmill.

I have also started improving what I eat. I am not really an unhealthy eater, but there are always ways to improve. A reduction in carb intake, combined with the increase in physical activity will go along way to meeting my goals.

As for changing the things that are ‘not working’ for me, I plan to start by acknowledging past mistakes and taking responsibility for them. This will allow me to move towards my goals without carrying excess baggage or any regret. I hope to avoid getting involved in things that have no substance, and are irrelevant. I plan on not becoming part of something that is not who I really am.

On to ‘looking at and listening to’ things that matter. I think it is important to realize that, even though we have reached adulthood, we do not know everything, or have all the answers. If we did, what fun would life be? We (especially me) need to understand someone else may know what is the best course of action, or know the answer to that all important question. Maybe they have been through the same situation.

I remember while I was growing up, my parents often said to me things like ‘you’ll get over that girl, it just takes time’, and thinking that they had no clue. Well guess what? They were right. As a teenager we did not think that our parents understood us, let alone were fit enough to give advice.

Over the past six months or so, I have become aware of some things that someone tried pointing out to me. I now understand that I did not grasp what I was being told. Either that or I was too stubborn to acknowledge the information. It was only over time that I became aware of these things, or more likely, I became receptive to them. I can now truly say “I get it!”, and believe me it is nice to be able to say that. I just wish that I could be quicker at getting some of these things – it would make life easier and more enjoyable. The strange part is these things where there the whole time, I just need to ‘look’ and ‘listen’ to find them.

When it comes to facing the things that we keep in the deepest, darkest part of us, people are a little more hesitant to discuss them, cautious even. It’s like in the early 1850’s when Dr. Livingston was exploring the Congo. That region of the world had been seen by very few people of the ‘modern world’. No one new what creatures they would face, or what perils awaited them. After all, it was called the ‘Dark Continent’ for a reason. Facing the things that hide deep inside of us is kind of the same thing – you do not know what to expect. You wonder how family and friends will react to the thoughts, feelings, and ideas that only live inside you. You feel that you need to lock these away. Releasing them by bringing them into the light and discussing them sounds like a scene out of a horror movie.

What people need to understand is that these things need to come into the light. This is the only way end the destructive and debilitating effect they have. If these things are affecting your relationships, or your personal enjoyment of life, then you need to slay them, only then can you continue to grow and improve. The first step is to talk about them, keeping them hidden gives them control over you. Just like the vampire who flourishes at night, but wilts and dies in the sun.

I have come to understand this, and will make a point of openly discussing them. With perseverance, and the changes I am working on, I hope that I can make my life, an the lives of those around me, much better.